Whew- That's Behind Me!

I am happy to report that I got through my Cardiac Catherization and the heart biopsy just fine. It funny, I kept telling myself that it would be a breeze- drop into the hospital and then leave in a few hours. It was far from that, to be honest. I have had other out patient procedures before (a few endoscopies) and I was in and out after some light sedatives and was able to rest for the remainder of the day and that was it. This was different for some reason, in fact it felt more like I was having surgery than just running some tests. I suppose the fact that they were rather invasive makes it feel that much different.
I had the typical IV put in my arm, and serveral drugs administered before, during, and after the procedure, but it was the actual tests themselves that were a bit hard for me. Well, to get more specific, I didn't like the heart biopsy. Before Friday came, I kept having visions of being able to feel the doctor taking pieces of my heart and it made me uncomfortable to even imagine it. When it actually came time to do the biopsy, it's not that I could feel them snipping away, but I could feel a lot of discomfort and my heart felt irritated every time they went in for another section. I was able to watch all of this on the monitors, and after a few minutes I decided to look away and give myself a break. Yuck!
It was also a bit uncomfortable to have them go into my arteries through my neck and my groin, and I have to say that these areas have caused me the most discomfort as they are going through the process of healing and repairing themselves.
I won't get into how sick I became on the way home from the hospital (I was really surprised by how violently my liver reacted to all of the meds), but let me just say that I unfortunately had to leave a few messes on the side of Sepulveda Blvd.
Now that I have spent the last few paragraphs on my "orderal" I am going to focus on the good that is coming out of this: first of all, it's behind me. Yea! Secondly, they found no blockages in my arteries, and there is no fluid surrounding my heart. This is great news to say the least. The biopsy results should come next week, and I am making the decision to be okay with whatever they may or may not find. I have spent months desparately wanting to know what has caused my cardiomyopathy, but I must get to the point where I am okay with not knowing. Who knows, maybe they will find something- stranger things have happened!
One final note: today is my birthday, and I am determined to enjoy it. I have been resting and taking care of myself, but I have also been looking forward to my annual birthday dinner with close friends and family. I believe that having this to be excited about has helped me to stay more positive, and to heal just a liitle bit faster. There really is something to be said for having things in life to look forward to- I think it makes all the difference in the world. Especially for people who are dealing with chronic illness.

Acceptance and Faith

On Friday I went to see my Cardiologist for an Echo cardiogram and to check in with my doctor. I was quite happy that I took the step of asking someone to go with me; in the past I have usually gone alone, and for some reason just driving to the appointment was enough to bring me to panic filled tears. On the way to UCLA, I made it a point to remember that God is always with me, and that whatever the results of the test were, I was ALWAYS being taken care of. As with the last three tests, nothing had really changed with my heart. My Cardiomyopathy had not improved, and I was prepared for my doctor to basically give up on me because I have been unable to tolerate the medications, and I seem to be a rather challenging case. In fact, I was so sure of this that I have an appointment to see another (Cardiologist #4) in October. Well, as it turns out, I was way off base as to how the conversation would go with her. I was actually projecting quite the opposite of what was said - what happened instead has given me more hope than I have had in a long time.
Suddenly, I feel like my doctor is very interested in finding out what is going on with me and we talked about several tests that she thinks I should do in order to figure this whole thing out. The reality is that I am not the average Cardiomyopathy patient; my blood pressure is very low, my heart is stiff and not weak, and I can't handle the meds. I am also quite young (which people love to point out to me). Additionally, she suspects that there is something muscular that may be going on in my body that is contributing to my weakness and she is hoping that the tests will help us find that out. I may end up going back to a Rehumatologist in the future to see if they can find anything out too.
As scary as some of the tests are (the first test is done while riding a bike and wearing a mask that will help to monitor several aspects of my body's function, the other two tests will be done at the same time: doing a biopsy of my heart and exploring the arteries and areas surrounding my heart for possible blockages and fluid that may be behind my heart) I am really glad that I haven't come to the end of the road of finding a solution. I know that I have said that I don't need to try and figure this out, but at the same time it would be nice to know how to treat this, and exactly what will help me to get better once and for all.
I still plan on seeing the new Cardiologist- I don't feel that it will hurt to get another opinion, and from what I hear she is also a fantastic doctor that specializes in women's hearts and is open to natural treatments such as acupuncture, which I feel very strongly about and I know is what will truly help me to heal and move on from this. I am choosing to stay positive and in the faith today and not get caught up in how much I don't want to do these tests. For all I know, I won't have to do the biopsy, but even if I do it may just give us some long awaited answers and solutions to this life altering condition. It helps to know that God is with me through all of this, and that family and friends are there to support me- without that I don't know how I would deal with even half of the issues I have been going through. To say that I am grateful is an understatement; to tell you that I am blessed is the absolute truth; to remember that I am always okay is essential.