Sunday, September 14

Acceptance and Faith

On Friday I went to see my Cardiologist for an Echo cardiogram and to check in with my doctor. I was quite happy that I took the step of asking someone to go with me; in the past I have usually gone alone, and for some reason just driving to the appointment was enough to bring me to panic filled tears. On the way to UCLA, I made it a point to remember that God is always with me, and that whatever the results of the test were, I was ALWAYS being taken care of. As with the last three tests, nothing had really changed with my heart. My Cardiomyopathy had not improved, and I was prepared for my doctor to basically give up on me because I have been unable to tolerate the medications, and I seem to be a rather challenging case. In fact, I was so sure of this that I have an appointment to see another (Cardiologist #4) in October. Well, as it turns out, I was way off base as to how the conversation would go with her. I was actually projecting quite the opposite of what was said - what happened instead has given me more hope than I have had in a long time.
Suddenly, I feel like my doctor is very interested in finding out what is going on with me and we talked about several tests that she thinks I should do in order to figure this whole thing out. The reality is that I am not the average Cardiomyopathy patient; my blood pressure is very low, my heart is stiff and not weak, and I can't handle the meds. I am also quite young (which people love to point out to me). Additionally, she suspects that there is something muscular that may be going on in my body that is contributing to my weakness and she is hoping that the tests will help us find that out. I may end up going back to a Rehumatologist in the future to see if they can find anything out too.
As scary as some of the tests are (the first test is done while riding a bike and wearing a mask that will help to monitor several aspects of my body's function, the other two tests will be done at the same time: doing a biopsy of my heart and exploring the arteries and areas surrounding my heart for possible blockages and fluid that may be behind my heart) I am really glad that I haven't come to the end of the road of finding a solution. I know that I have said that I don't need to try and figure this out, but at the same time it would be nice to know how to treat this, and exactly what will help me to get better once and for all.
I still plan on seeing the new Cardiologist- I don't feel that it will hurt to get another opinion, and from what I hear she is also a fantastic doctor that specializes in women's hearts and is open to natural treatments such as acupuncture, which I feel very strongly about and I know is what will truly help me to heal and move on from this. I am choosing to stay positive and in the faith today and not get caught up in how much I don't want to do these tests. For all I know, I won't have to do the biopsy, but even if I do it may just give us some long awaited answers and solutions to this life altering condition. It helps to know that God is with me through all of this, and that family and friends are there to support me- without that I don't know how I would deal with even half of the issues I have been going through. To say that I am grateful is an understatement; to tell you that I am blessed is the absolute truth; to remember that I am always okay is essential.