Onward and Upward

I am so happy to be feeling more positive the last few days; I think it took me a while to shake the troubling discussion I had with my doctor last week. What I did to come out of my funk was to write about it in the form of several God letters, telling Him what I was concerned about and asking for His help in getting past how down I was feeling. On top of that I have decided to stop trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. For years I have been trying to find the perfect answer to why I wasn't well, and even more so, why I was still sick. I have realized that all I can do is ask for my Higher Powers Guidance, and then do as I feel I am being directed. I can't afford to get caught up in what ifs, whys, how's, and the big one: what is the ANSWER to all of this? The other thing that I am working on, which I feel will be a big help with my illness and my outlook, is letting go of the idea that this is all my fault. That I have attracted the Fibromyalgia and the Cardiomyopathy into my life because I don't have my shit together. I have also found myself upset at the thought that I have chosen to be sick because I can't or won't deal with life on life's terms. Even if that is the case, all I can do is ask for the help in getting past it and growing so that I can allow health and wellness back into my life. I know that the Universe is always sending me complete wellness, and it's my job to let go of old thoughts and beliefs that block it from coming in clearing out my illnesses.
One final note: I have faith that the more work I do to change my beliefs and my need to be sick, the faster I will be back to my old self: whole, complete, and perfect!