Today's visit at the doctors office went well in the areas where I was afraid that it wouldn't- then I asked him a pointed question about my inability to tolerate the prescribed medications and what my prognoses would be if things didn't improve. He said then I might have to be a candidate for a heart transplant (actually he was much more direct than that). After he said that I asked him some further questions: can this get better on its own? He said yes, that sometimes whatever caused the Cardiomyopathy has left and the body is able to repair things on its own. I asked if he had any patients that had this happen and he said yes he did.
I am doing what I can to not focus on the big scary statement he made, although I have to admit that its right there in my face if I choose to think about it. I was able to call my acupuncturist and talk to him about what was said. He is remaining positive, and pointed out that most doctors have to paint the worse case scenario in order to cover their own behind. He was also excited that I have an appointment with a new cardiologist,who from what I hear, is going to be a great fit for me. Not only does she specialize in women's hearts, but she is overseeing an acupuncture study for people with heart problems. I am going to see if I qualify for the study when I go back on Tuesday. I am grateful that I am not sinking into fear or despair one more time. I am also happy that I was able to make calls asking for support and not calling my friends and family in tears looking for pity. I can finally say that I am tired of people feeling sorry for me- it hasn't done much good for me except to keep me stuck in the same old pattern that I have been in for most of my life.