Sunday, November 2

The Results Are In

On Friday I got a chance to speak with my Cardiologist about the results of my heart biopsy. It was just as I had imagined- they still cannot find the cause of my Caridomyopathy. In hindsight, this was very good news, but at the moment I was quite upset. In fact I felt devastated for a couple of days afterwards, to be completely honest. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I wanted them to find some terrible thing wrong with my heart; I just wanted an explanation. What in the world is causing my heart to only expand to about half of a normal person's capacity? This seems to be a great mystery for me, and up until yesterday, it was a question that I was determined to have answered. Not just because I want to know how someone my age winds up with a heart condition, but because I want to get better (dammit!) and if we knew the cause, then wouldn't we be able to hone in on a solution? Makes sense to me!
The conversation with my doctor was confusing, and at times she contradicted herself. I am now going to have to go and see a rhumatologist, and meet with a team of doctors to be evaluated for a defibrillator to be implanted in my body in case my heart just up and stops one day. FUN, FUN, FUN. Yes, I am still feeling a bit bitter about the whole thing, but I have chosen to stop trying to figure things out and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Going over and over in my mind what I think is causing my illness isn't doing me any good- and for today I have decided to turn it over to God and relax as much as possible. I really have no business stressing about all of this- it just makes matters worse and I am still healing from the biopsy- so making the choice to stop struggling against this is a very good one indeed.
I have many calls to make tomorrow to doctors offices; I am debating on whether or not to call my Cardiologist back for some clarification. She is a fantastic doctor, but she doesn't have much patience when it comes to answering questions, and I have to get over the fear of pissing her off and just stick up for myself. I may also go and see another Cardiologist (yet another opinion) if I still feel that she isn't going to help me progress any further.
Well, that's the long and short of it for now. I am going to stay in the moment and once again do my utmost to trust that everything (even this) is working out for my highest and best good.


  1. I am sorry to read about your frustrations and certainly understand them. You keep asking questions until you are satisfied. The doctor has to answer them to the best of her ability.

    You are correct not to stress yourself out because stress is not good for you. You will be in my prayers and I hope they find an answer soon.

    God Bless, I hope and pray you get answers and find a way to help you.


  2. Thanks for the kind words and for your encouragement- it's comforting to know that there are people out there routing for me!

  3. I can't tell you how your post on your decision to have a defibrillator was a God send to me. I've been faced with the same decision for the same reason. I have stressed induced cardiomyopathy at 46. I don't want the device implanted either and I feel crazy for not wanting it. I'd love to talk with you more... please email me if you are open... Dana