Thursday, October 30

Staying In The Moment

I was going to title my post "Waiting is Hard to Do," but since I have chosen to stay focused and positive, I feel that "Staying in the Moment" is much more appropriate.
I have been waiting to hear back about my heart biopsy results (which should be ready today or tomorrow), and I have to say that it hasn't been all that easy. On top of that, my body is still in the process of recovering from the procedure, so that has left me with a lot of time by myself to think and project about what they may have found, and what that might mean for my future. I am sure you can only imagine just how creative my imagination can be!
Anyway, I went to my primary care doctor this morning, and he didn't give me very much to be hopeful about. The one thing that helped to ease my stress a bit, was the fact that he said it takes much longer to recover from the heart biopsy than it does to get past the cardiac catherization. That was good news to hear, because I have been thinking that I should have bounced back from this already instead of feeling weak and in pain for the last few days.
He went on to say that I should not get my hopes up that they will find anything from my biopsy- even if something is detected, most of the time they can only treat the symptoms and not the cause. So my question was this (once again): why did I just go through all of that?!!! He replied that it was absolutely necessary to run the tests for my condition, and that it helps the doctors to rule out possible causes. It also will help us figure out what direction to go into, regardless of what the outcome is.
Well, once again I left the visit feeling rather deflated, and after coming home and resting a bit, I have realized that I have been looking for answers outside of myself once more. I know that the solution is in my Higher Powers hands. I know that He wants the best for me. I am also trying to get over blaming myself for having caused all of this- which I feel is essential to my wellness- and will do what I can to set my thinking back onto a better train of thought. Honestly, I haven't been reading or listening to any of the inspirational material that I normally add to my daily routine (except for my twelve step work), and I can feel an absolute downturn in my outlook. I am going to commit to all of you that I will (at the very least), lie down and listen to one of my Law of Attraction Cd's on my iPod. It never fails to make me feel better, and in fact, it just might get me back into right thinking again. I am so glad that I decided to post on my blog today- it has helped me to see that I do have a choice in how I feel, think, and act. Best of all, if I end up backsliding on my progress (which I feel I have) I can always get right back into it by listening to something inspirational. Which is exactly what I plan on doing!

No comments:

Post a Comment