Monday, October 13


The last few weeks I have been in waiting mode- trying to live my life and not think too much about my upcoming tests on my heart. I have to say that it has been an interesting time; I have felt much more hopeful, but at the same time I feel like everything is on hold until I get the results of the cardiac catheterization and the heart biopsy. I have this constant feeling that I should do more, be more, grow more; but in reality I have to take things one day at a time and do the best I can.
I am finding that being my own worst critic is not helping my health or my emotions one bit. It certainly isn't allowing me to grow spiritually either. If I am feeling critical of myself, then I am blocking God's love and God's will from really coming into my life and making it fantastic. Heck, I would be happy with an improvement, we don't have to get to great just yet. I really can't complain because I have been taken care of completely since all of this began in February by having the best doctors, money to live, and emotional support from my friends and family. What more could a gal ask for?
Another thing that is becoming clear to me is the importance of self-love. The more I beat myself up, the more I make myself sick and unhappy. I know that many people have problems loving themselves, and I find it hard to understand why we feel this way. Is it caused by our home environment growing up? Does it stem from school or the media? How about from society as a whole? My guess is that it's a combination of all of these and it's our job to let go of this old programming and remember the truth: we are all amazing people- whatever we have accomplished today is enough. More than enough. I am doing what I can to remind myself that I am here for a reason, and that God doesn't make crap. I read in a wonderful book that I should look in the mirror everyday and say to myself "I love you, I really love you." I must admit that when I first started doing this it felt very uncomfortable and silly, but the more I do it, the more I am starting to realize that I am worth loving. Period.
So, I thought I would share this with others who may be struggling with self-love and self- acceptance in the hopes that they too can begin to cherish the most important and wonderful person in their lives: themselves.

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