Saturday, July 19

Fear vs. Faith

Tonight I am singing at a fund raising event- I sang there a few years back and I am happy that I am willing to do it again and not feel that I have to hide out in my house out of fear instead of showing up and facing them. My old MO was to tell myself that I was too sick to go and that I needed to just rest. This way I was able to avoid being an active participant in life (today I know better- I am taking it easy and building up my reserves so that I can be strong for the event). My ego wants me to get caught up in what people think of me, how I feel physically, who will be there that I have to impress, will I perform better than I did last month when my body didn't feel strong and supportive, will I forget the words, will I feel strained and uncomfortable, and the biggest one: will I lose my much needed air because I am overcome by fear and/or emotion?
To say that I am tired of all of this shit running around in my head in an understatement. Today I choose to focus on the truth: I have a gift to share with others and I am going to be an instrument for God to work through. I am also going to look at it as a way of being an example for others who can sing but hold themselves back from doing so (someone came up to me at the meeting this morning and shared with me how much it meant that I was going to perform tonight because she is a singer but is too afraid to get up there and sing). I also choose to believe that my body will absolutely support me. I will have all of the air and support that I need, I will feel fully engaged and in touch with my audience, I will let the emotion of the song give me inspiration and strength, and I will focus on staying connected to God before, during and after I "share" myself with the people there. This is my intention and I am certain that I will enjoy this evening fully, regardless of what happens.

No comments:

Post a Comment