Wednesday, July 16

My Heart

Okay, I was diagnosed with Fibro over three years ago and as I have said before, I am not so sure that I ever even had it. Honestly, its quite a confusing question to try and answer. Did the Fibro open the door to my getting a virus which caused my newly diagnosed Cardiomyopathy? Or did a virus hit me three years ago and cause the heart problem back then? Its kind of funny that I keep trying to figure this out- even funnier is how hard I tried to find out what caused the heart condition in the first place. I suppose its my nature- maybe even human nature.
So, I was told back in March that my heart is not functioning to full capacity (my injection fraction is 30-35% when a normal heart is at about 60%) and that I had to go on several drugs in order to not only stop the progression of the problem, but hopefully it would help my heart to function better. I have to tell you that this really freaked me out at first. It also made me extremely pissed off- I had been spending the last year getting off of the medications (there were many) for my fibro- and now I was being told that I had to go on a couple more. Maybe even for life. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.
The reason why I am bringing this up is to show how stubborn and narrow minded I can be. I know that I am not alone in this tendency to think that I know best; I really thought that the doctors were full of it and now I am finding out that they may just know more than I do after all. The last few months have been difficult at times; my body doesn't like most medications and the ones that were prescribed for my condition were no different. I had some days (and weeks) where I was barely able to function. There were other days where I was able to accomplish more than I have in at least three years. Just a couple of weeks ago I was able to go on a moderate hike. This is something that I put on my vision board in the hopes of one day being able to do, and here I was doing it. One of the drugs that I started taking (Coreg) has really made a huge difference for me. I can only take a very, very small amount of it, but I am so grateful that I am able to exercise a little bit more each day. I am also having a lot more days where I feel strong; where my legs don't feel like they are going to give out on me. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to make plans for your future- just last year I was telling my best friend that I couldn't imagine going on a trip to Italy because I felt so weak and sick all of the time. Now I can see that happening one day soon and I am thrilled.
The reason that I am blogging about all of this is to put out the idea that it is essential to keep an open mind. To trust in what the Universe has in store for you. I know for myself that when I thought there was only one way (my way) I just kept being sick. Once I did what I could to let my Higher Power come in and show me a solution, everything started to change. And it is continuing to change for the better more and more each day.

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